Thursday, April 16, 2020
Flying high
I wrote this story with the writing prompt from Pobbel 36
She pulled down on the chain with her left hand, steering herself towards her target. It was supposed to be the most exciting birthday present ever; a hot air balloon ride. However, Alice had been hanging on for dear life for over 100KM (since the basket of the hot air balloon had fallen off). She was now getting used to steering the huge balloon by maneuvering her body, leaning to the left or to the right.
Terrified yet excited at the same time, Alice could just about make out her house and garden far below. It was the one surrounded by trees straight ahead, wasn’t it?
She took a deep breath and focused. Her house was so close if she just got enough power to… SNAP one of the chains that used to be in her hand had just broken and the seat was leaning a lot to one side almost pushing Alice of the seat that was hanging a mile away from the ground. If Alice fell she would be falling to her death and she new it. Her heart pounded in tune to the swaying wind that gently rocked the chair. Alice looked down and she could see her house and a tiny circle tramp she had to land on the tramp she just had to. It was time she swung the chair back in forth to get enough movement to land on the tramp. She let go her arms flew around trying to stop her moving to far forward. The ground was coming 10 meters 9 8 7 crash she woke up siting on the floor of her room. She was puzzled wasn't she just flying in the sky about to land on the ground and meet here certain doom.
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Love it, builds up and up. This reminds me a lot of short story by Roald Dahl called The Swan. It's not about balloons, but it's got a similar feel, told in the first person and the narratorin an inescapable predicament.
ReplyDeleteIsla your story paints a vivid picture in the reader's mind. As I was reading it I could imagine the feeling of fear and then I loved the sentence, "The ground was coming, 10 meters, 9, 8, 7. Crash! She woke up, sitting on the floor in her room." You have certainly created suspense. Write more!!!
ReplyDeleteIsla, a good piece of writing because it draws to reader in. The suspense is real. I also like the use of the rhetorical question 'wasn't it?'in the second paragraph that draws us in to the narrators mind and experience. Don't forget edit for meaning. Sometimes we have such a clear picture in our mind of what we want to say, we don't always check. Reading out loud helps us spot these. For example, check the line "Alice looked down and she could see her house and a tiny circle tram she had to land on the tramp she just had to."
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